Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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