Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
