I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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