Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
