he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
