I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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