Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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