it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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