So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
