I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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