I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
