Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
