about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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