i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
