I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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