I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
