Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
