I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
