we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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