Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
