grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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