I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
