she was so not down for the gang bang
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
