It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
