Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
