K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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