To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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