I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
