This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
