Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
