I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
