I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
