Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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