clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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