good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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