yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
