You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
