I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
