1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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