At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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