peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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