Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I came so hard my ears popped.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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