I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
