These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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