I showed him my bush... on skype.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
