so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
