I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
