I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
