There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
