so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
