There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
