Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
